Sydney has taken the next step to becoming a fully fledged theme park with the announcement of the Skywalk. The nonsense began a couple of years ago when the Bridge Climb began filling the top of the harbour bridge with a relentless march of teeny little grey clad tourists. Sydney went crazy for it - you have to book, like, months in advance - and it is costs $245.00 AUD…

You: Did you say two hundred and forty five dollars?

Me: Heck yes I did. But slow down, that’s Australian Dollars. It’s about one eighty three in the US.

You: Well, that is still rather dear…

Climbing the Harbour Bridge had previously been the domain of drunken teenagers and schoolkids trying to rescue their footy at lunchtime but with the privatisation of our skyline, anyone and everyone is up there grinning for the cameras.

I am less convinced by this NKOTB however. From what I understand, it is a small platform perched out from the side of Sydney (nee Centrepoint) Tower. The thing is, you can already, go up Centrepoint, have a look at the view and eat at a revolving restaurant. That is what it was built for 24 years ago. How standing outside in the wind is any more desirable I wouldn’t have a clue. Perhaps it is a fetish thing; the lure of getting to wear grey jumpsuits and a harness.

I am keen to see where Sydneyland will head from here. Getting thrills from being outside and vertically separated from the pavement by many, many metres is well covered now and probably doesn’t need any further examination. So what other themepark rides can Sydney mine to expand its repertoire?

I have always thought the lamest themepark ride is that one where you sit in a log and fall not very far down a hill into some water. The downhill bit is so short and they take your photo halfway down the hill bit, arms raised,eyes and mouth exclaiming “Oh My Gosh, I Never Would Have Thought I Would Be Falling Down Such A Small Hill In A Log!”

The Sydney Opera House would be perfect for the Lameass Log Ride. It isn’t very high off the ground and you could land right in the harbour, finishing off with a short ride along the harbour maybe incorporating an attack by an animatronic crocodile. You could easily charge upwards of $450 bucks for that kind of gig.

Additionally, the thought of a Sydney Harbour Pirate Ship - the full loop variety - is a temptation that I am sure has whet the appetite of many an entrepreneur and i suspect the only thing holding them back thus far is a desire to maintain some kind of historical accuracy in Sydneyland. I respect that. However, if this is all that is holding the endevour (eh? eh?) back, then I am sure that Sydneysiders and our thrill seeking visitors from afar would find a loop-de-loop Convict Ship a more than suitable alternative. A little bit of lateral thinking, entreprenuers! That’s all we’re asking.